The great challenge of working as a coach is acknowledging how much you understand about life, and how much you are still trying to figure out.
This weekend there was a full moon in Pisces – highlighting wounds and emotions that help us see where we need to grow. I spoke with many of you who were feeling emotions in strong ways, and I was feeling them, too.
What was I feeling?
I was feeling sadness that my last romantic relationship didn’t work out.
Yesterday, I was walking around the farmer’s market, and I watched a lot of seemingly happy couples choosing what to buy for their week ahead. I recall how happy I felt to be doing the same thing, just a year ago.
I have spent the majority of my adult life as a single person. I had a long-term boyfriend until I was almost 25, and then for ten years – I was single.
At certain times, this was fun. I would occasionally go out with a guy for a couple of months, but for the most part, nothing stuck. I was on my own. I was independent, and could do whatever I wanted to do, even though I was deep down hoping for a partner.
I watched my friends meet, date, and marry their partners. I watched some of my friends meet, date, marry, and have kids. And then I watched some of my friends meet, date, marry, have kids —and divorce. Through all this, I was still single.
I tried every kind of dating scenario you can imagine. Blind dates, set ups, I went out to bars, I volunteered for causes I cared about, I tried E-Harmony, Match, OkCupid, Tinder (and a few others I can’t recall)… all in the name of finding love.
I collected a number of good stories, but not a partner.
I felt I’d tried everything one could try to “put themselves out there.”
Finally, in a very organic way, I met a fellow who I began to think would be my future husband. I really thought this was my happy ending to my long, long, seemingly never-resolved love story. We dated (and eventually moved in together) for a year and a half. I was so happy and hopeful about our relationship and what it could mean in my life.
But it didn’t work out.
So now, at 37, I find myself single again. I find myself again wishing for partnership, struck by the happy couples at the farmer’s market even just this weekend.
Partnership is what I’m longing for these days. I know it’s worth being honest and vulnerable about that, so you know where I’m coming from.
But even with this longing, I know that I am still whole.
I feel strong, and equipped with a lot of wisdom regarding what I do and do not want in my future romantic relationships. I also know I do not need a romantic relationship to live a happy, fulfilled, successful life full of love. I know how to feel loved and whole, inside or outside a romantic relationship.
One can desire romantic relationship, but approach that desire from a place of wholeness.
So often I see people who feel incomplete, miserable, unsuccessful, broken, or incredibly frustrated because of their love lives. I see people who jump from one romantic relationship to the next, without truly giving themselves time to heal and figure out what they want. I see people re-creating patterns that lead them to feel lonely, unhappy, or embittered inside or outside their relationships. I see people desperately trying to find someone to “complete” them.
Approaching our romantic lives from a place of wholeness is incredibly valuable.
When we approach our desire from a place of wholeness, we are not looking for someone to “complete” us – we, in fact, do not need another person to make us feel “okay,” or “successful,” or anything else…
We approach romantic relationships, therefore, from a place of strength, self-awareness, and openness, and we are able to create healthy, loving, happy relationships if we want them.
It’s okay to desire a partner. It’s okay to desire romantic love.
What’s important is that you know you are whole. You are love, loved, and loving. You will be a wonderful, healthy, loving, kind partner to whomever is lucky enough to be with you now or in the future.
Do you know and trust this about yourself? Do you feel whole?
Feeling whole isn’t always easy.
Being willing to examine one’s life in this way is not for the faint of heart.
My exploration and fascination with love is what brings me to my latest coaching offer.
I know I’m not alone. There are other people out there who have been caught in the complexities of love and the desire for feeling love – and could use support.
I have figured out how to feel whole and complete, while still being open to love. I consider this being what Brene Brown calls being “wholehearted,” the recognition that you are worthy of love and belonging – and all of the wonderful ways you can live a courageous, vulnerable, connected life. I call this Open-Hearted Love; the kind of love that you are ready and willing to give and receive, but the kind of love that you can give and receive with or without a partner in your life.
So, I am focusing on my 1-to-1 coaching for big-hearted changemakers and creatives who want to feel more wholehearted, open-hearted love, and WHOLE.
If you are in a place where you find yourself single and wishing to feel more love in your life, 1-to-1 coaching would be perfect for you.
Together, we will explore what’s going on for YOU.
1-to-1 coaching is personalized, but some of the things we could explore together are:
- identifying what you really want (in life + love)
- noticing limiting beliefs you might hold
- working through blocks to love you might experience
- feeling happier and healthier (in life + love)
- listening to your inner wisdom
- feeling more confident and courageous
- communicating your desires
- attracting more love to your life
- FEELING MORE LOVE
If you are interested in learning more, apply for a Spark Session here to learn more about how 1-to-1 coaching will support you to feel more love in your life, and to feel more whole.
In the meantime, know we are in this together. Wherever you find yourself in life + love, know that I am sending you so much love + strength – to know you are deserving of a beautiful life and love that lights you up.