Resilience

Coffee & my journal = self-care  (photo by Solveig)
Coffee & my journal = self-care (photo by Solveig)

Hello lovelies ~

So recently, something crummy happened to me.  I mean, crummy.  Like, someone did not treat me right.  This person hurt my feelings.  Bad.  I mean, not the worse hurt I’ve ever felt or anything, but it hurt.  No matter how much I try to cultivate kindness in my life and with others, sometimes people are unkind to me.  It doesn’t happen often, and it doesn’t change my belief in the goodness of people, but it does mean that sometimes tough things happen to us, no matter how well we treat others.

Saturday I felt really sad about what happened.  Sad enough to cry about it, and not feel like getting out of bed for a while.  I mean, I felt awful the second I woke up.

Now, I’m not actually writing this post to vent (really) or even to process what happened.  I’m writing it for three reasons:

1.  I don’t want you to think I’m always happy.  Yes, I focus on peace, love, and happiness in my life and in my coaching, but this does not mean that I live some sort of painless, utopian, rosy life in which nothing nothing nothing gets me down.  Crummy things happen to me.  People hurt my feelings.  Sometimes life sucks for a little bit.  I think that for you to know and understand me as a coach, that’s important to share.  I’m definitely not “perfectly happy” all the time, and that wouldn’t be authentic.

2.   I want you to know that I let myself feel sad sometimes. I do focus on the positive generally, and I am mostly a happy person, but sometimes I feel sad or angry.  In this case, I was feeling sad.  I know from research and lived experience that sometimes we need to let ourselves feel sad.  These are the ups and downs of life ~ these are the feelings of contrast.  If we falsely “act” happy when we’re not, or try to cover up sadness or frustration, we are doing just that; covering it up and not dealing with it.  It’s not a healthy choice.  We need to allow ourselves to feel the pain sometimes.  In fact, the pain provides contrast for the goodness.  I wish we could live pain-free lives, but I don’t think that’s real.  The pain helps us learn; the pain helps us grow; the pain provides comparison for us to know the opposite ~ when things are so so so good.

3.  Resilience is what gets me through.  Have you thought much about resiliency?  Resiliency is “bouncing back,” and we can grow our own resiliency in tough situations.  Through my research and study of youth development, resilience is key.  Hopefully, we learn resiliency as a young person.  If we haven’t, it’s something to cultivate as an adult.  Resiliency is knowing that things (though they may suck right now) will get better.  Resiliency is knowing that we can get through the hard times, and that we’ll be stronger afterwards.

 How resilient are you?  What are some ways to grow our resiliency? 

Here are a few ideas:

    • Find and nurture positive relationships.  We all need connection and people to listen or care for us when we need it most. Nurturing positive relationships, and taking care of our loved ones, is a foundation for when we need someone to care for us.
    • Practice self-care.  When you feel awful, think about how you can help yourself.  Self-care, or figuring out how you can best take care of yourself, is huge.  Do you need to go on a walk in nature?  Do you need to cuddle with your pet?  Do you need to get extra rest?  Do you need to go running?  Figure out ways to show love to yourself.
    • Stretch your trust muscles.  Maybe you don’t believe that things will get better…but try.  Tell yourself that things will get better.  Pray, meditate, talk to yourself, and remember that our words have power.  The more you trust and put your energy towards the positive, the more likely things will improve around you.

I hope this helps.  Yesterday, in addition to talking to friends, and talking kindly to myself, I went on a long walk in the woods with my dog, got an iced coffee and read a book in the sunshine, and planted some herbs and flowers near my bedroom window.  All of these things helped me a little bit.  I know I’ll be okay.  And I know you will, too.

With love,

Solveig

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